I got asked this IRL today and I couldn't help but write about it.
Okay, here is the hypothetical situation:
The zombie apocalypse is nigh! But all is not lost! You have the power to save the world! You are given the ability by the forces that be to summon 5 fictional characters to help you save the world! Who do you call to help save mankind from the flesh eating zombies and why?
Here's the Team Claire lineup:
1. Q (Star Trek: The Next Generation): Why? He's the next closest thing to God. An Omnipotent being with amazing cosmic powers...the only problem would be trying to convince him that saving humanity would be fun and exciting.
2. Darkstar (Ben 10 Alien Force) Why? He's pretty good at knocking people out. He's also got vast financial resources. If War of the Worlds is any indication, he's a pretty capable fighter...and it did take FOUR super powered people and a swarm of DNAliens to take him down. Sounds like an ideal super powered zombie fighter. Plus...if you need someone to go on a covert supply run...Darkles is the way to go. Also...he sounds like Wil Wheaton <3.
3. Dr. Victor Von Doom (Fantastic Four) Why? He's a tenacious super-genius with an entire country's defense budget at his disposal. Someone with a superiority complex like Doom isn't about to let a little something like a zombie invasion get him down. Plus...his armor shields him from zombie bites.
4. Wolverine (X-Men) Why? He's an unkillable, healing factor powered mutant with an Adamantium laced skeleton...which means he can slice, dice, and come back for more. Sounds like another good recruit for Team Claire!
5. Mutant Kevin 11 (Ben 10) Why? He's got eleven different kinds of super powers...yeah, I know, he only uses ten of them...but I'm not gonna short change him on that. He's some much needed muscle and a lot of rage. Just tell him the zombies made fun of him when he wasn't listening and watch what happens. Awesomeness...that's what happens.
So tell me...in the event of a zombie attack...who is on your team?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
I’m Officially Rooting For Skynet: Revisiting Terminator Salvation
I’m Officially Rooting For Skynet: Revisiting Terminator Salvation
A few weeks ago, Terminator Salvation opened to a mixed bag of fandom hate and general acceptance. By now, we’ve all heard about how ludicrous the ending is, how stiff Christian Bale’s acting was, and how Helena Bonham Carter is a strange addition to the mythology. All of these elements have been addressed in previous reviews..however, there is one particularly disturbing element which has not been discussed and I feel it needs to.
First, let me present a hypothetical situation.
You’ve been living in the desert for over a year after a nuclear apocalypse with three or four members of the same sex. Suddenly, a dashing member of the opposite sex appears with meager supplies of food and antibiotics (both of which have been in short supply since the aforementioned nuclear holocaust) that they are willing to share. Is your first thought “Let’s rape them!”?
For those of you who don’t know, this scene actually takes place in Terminator Salvation when Human Resistance soldier Blair is accosted by evil rednecks who decide to gang rape the first woman they’ve seen in a long time. Luckily for Blair, Marcus, a Terminator who doesn’t know it, comes to her rescue.
Okay....I am now officially rooting for Skynet and its never ending army of Terminators and Hunter-Killers. If humanity is that close to extinction and the first thing they think of is rape, there’s no hope for the species. Really, I hope the Terminator series ends with humanity being destroyed by the machines. It is scenes like this that really are disheartening to see. Really disheartening. So...why was I wanting humanity to survive again? Thanks, random raping rednecks, for letting me see the light.
I want Skynet to win.
I want it to totally eliminate the human race because if we’re that close to biting the big one and the first thing on men’s minds is “RAPE IT!,” then there’s no hope for the species and I’m saddened by how impossible Star Trek is.
I want John Connor to go completely insane. He has to be halfway there. I mean, he’s spent the last thirty years listening to cassettes his mother recorded in the nineteen eighties...about how he is the son of a future soldier and how he is destined to save humanity from the oncoming onslaught by a race of cold, heartless machines. You can’t tell me that kind of thing doesn’t do something to your head after a few decades. I’m tired of watching him listen to tapes and tote that stupid eighties-tastic picture of his pregnant mom and her German Shepherd everywhere. I know it gets burned up in a Resistance tunnel at some point, but seriously, enough is enough with that Polaroid, okay?
So yes, I want him to go crazy and die, realizing that he isn’t the Messiah...that his backstory is all bullshit....that his mother was a hallucinating schizophrenic and that his life is a sham. There is no point in saving the humanity of the Terminator universe.
He might be halfway there...after all, he does think it is a good idea for his wife (who used to be a vetrenarian) to give him open heart surgery in the desert...and to take the heart of Marcus, whose tissue Connor doesn’t know is compatible with his own...and that is their only actually useful soldier. Nothing in Terminator Salvation could have been done without Marcus (the Terminator who doesn’t know he is one...also more human than humans because he doesn’t think rape is very gentlemanly). So, in effect, John Connor is literally killing humanity’s chance at survival. Thanks, John. Skynet salutes you.
I want Skynet to win by decimating humanity...then, I want the series to end with T-800s gardening and taking care of squirrels and butterflies like the killer robots from Laputa: Castle in the Sky, proving that killer cyborgs are actually more environmentally and socially conscientious than our primitive race of meat bags ever could be.
That ending to the franchise would utterly infuriate its whiny boy fanbase, but would be so utterly brilliant that words can’t describe it.
Ah...it would be beautiful way to end the franchise, indeed...and completely unexpected!
A few weeks ago, Terminator Salvation opened to a mixed bag of fandom hate and general acceptance. By now, we’ve all heard about how ludicrous the ending is, how stiff Christian Bale’s acting was, and how Helena Bonham Carter is a strange addition to the mythology. All of these elements have been addressed in previous reviews..however, there is one particularly disturbing element which has not been discussed and I feel it needs to.
First, let me present a hypothetical situation.
You’ve been living in the desert for over a year after a nuclear apocalypse with three or four members of the same sex. Suddenly, a dashing member of the opposite sex appears with meager supplies of food and antibiotics (both of which have been in short supply since the aforementioned nuclear holocaust) that they are willing to share. Is your first thought “Let’s rape them!”?
For those of you who don’t know, this scene actually takes place in Terminator Salvation when Human Resistance soldier Blair is accosted by evil rednecks who decide to gang rape the first woman they’ve seen in a long time. Luckily for Blair, Marcus, a Terminator who doesn’t know it, comes to her rescue.
Okay....I am now officially rooting for Skynet and its never ending army of Terminators and Hunter-Killers. If humanity is that close to extinction and the first thing they think of is rape, there’s no hope for the species. Really, I hope the Terminator series ends with humanity being destroyed by the machines. It is scenes like this that really are disheartening to see. Really disheartening. So...why was I wanting humanity to survive again? Thanks, random raping rednecks, for letting me see the light.
I want Skynet to win.
I want it to totally eliminate the human race because if we’re that close to biting the big one and the first thing on men’s minds is “RAPE IT!,” then there’s no hope for the species and I’m saddened by how impossible Star Trek is.
I want John Connor to go completely insane. He has to be halfway there. I mean, he’s spent the last thirty years listening to cassettes his mother recorded in the nineteen eighties...about how he is the son of a future soldier and how he is destined to save humanity from the oncoming onslaught by a race of cold, heartless machines. You can’t tell me that kind of thing doesn’t do something to your head after a few decades. I’m tired of watching him listen to tapes and tote that stupid eighties-tastic picture of his pregnant mom and her German Shepherd everywhere. I know it gets burned up in a Resistance tunnel at some point, but seriously, enough is enough with that Polaroid, okay?
So yes, I want him to go crazy and die, realizing that he isn’t the Messiah...that his backstory is all bullshit....that his mother was a hallucinating schizophrenic and that his life is a sham. There is no point in saving the humanity of the Terminator universe.
He might be halfway there...after all, he does think it is a good idea for his wife (who used to be a vetrenarian) to give him open heart surgery in the desert...and to take the heart of Marcus, whose tissue Connor doesn’t know is compatible with his own...and that is their only actually useful soldier. Nothing in Terminator Salvation could have been done without Marcus (the Terminator who doesn’t know he is one...also more human than humans because he doesn’t think rape is very gentlemanly). So, in effect, John Connor is literally killing humanity’s chance at survival. Thanks, John. Skynet salutes you.
I want Skynet to win by decimating humanity...then, I want the series to end with T-800s gardening and taking care of squirrels and butterflies like the killer robots from Laputa: Castle in the Sky, proving that killer cyborgs are actually more environmentally and socially conscientious than our primitive race of meat bags ever could be.
That ending to the franchise would utterly infuriate its whiny boy fanbase, but would be so utterly brilliant that words can’t describe it.
Ah...it would be beautiful way to end the franchise, indeed...and completely unexpected!
ROTFLOL For The Ben 10 Alien Force Complete Guide
Ah...I love the smell of ancillary products in the...afternoon.
Which is when the UPS Guy showed up with a box of books for me.
This is where you smile and nod in agreement with the awesome.
Actually, he brought two books...the first was the new Sookie Stackhouse mystery (Ultra <3 for the books, major HATE for the show) and...the...the Alien Force Complete Guide.
Yeah, I know it is for six year olds, but hey, it is pretty comprehensive for something that could be UBER LAME. Plus, it has entries for Mike, Darkstar, AND Albedo...nice to get a little bad guy representation...AM I RIGHT, Bandai?
Anyway...a lot of people are probably wondering what's in it...well...a lot...and surprisingly few examples of ENGRISH. I'm happy and sad at the same time. Sad that that significantly lowers the amount of LOL! worthy content the book has, but happy that children reading it won't proclaim that Helen is Pierce's brother or what Kevin "gave up the wrong week to fight with monsters." It is up to date as far as Season 2 goes...and hints at other things...mostly things we already knew...like Vilgax returns (at least in a video game) and that Darkstar will show up again.
First of all...wow...check out Page 50....THAT IS SO NOT! TYLER!
Either that...or that twenty-six year old ages way faster than anyone else ALIVE. LOL.
Page 48 answers an fandom age old qustion:
It is spelled "Magister Prior Gilhil."
Surprisningly enough, Vilgax is in it (Page 74) and gives something spoilery away...something about Ben fighting him with a broken Omnitrix...and winning...again. LOL! The artwork for Villie is clip art from the first show.
There is a nice glossary section, "Best of" section, and if you were a bad guy for more than three minutes on the show...you get a spotlight page...if you are lucky (like Darkles) you get two. If you were a good guy who appeared in one or more episodes...you get a spotlight (Lu has a page...remember Lu? He was in "Birds of a Feather" and Tiny gets one too...I love her alien baby cuteness ^_^)
Darkles also has a reason to hate on the heroes again...his info page says he "came through...(by saving the world)- but he disappeared before he could be sent back to the Null Void."
Darkstar: Asshats.
Is it worth six bucks?
I would like to think so...but that's me....and I'm probably not a great judge for stuff like. I mean, I did spend the same amount of money on turning a Ken doll into a Mike Morningstar doll. I love having something like this book in my Ben 10 collection. I mean, the original show didn't get a complete guide, but Alien Force did.
The mind kind of boggles on that one, but ah well...it is fun in its own way.
It entertained me for at least and hour...*snicker*...It even has alien personality quizzes.
Apparently, I most resemble Goop (a sentient puddle of green goo) and Big Chill (an ice powered moth man) XD.
Which is when the UPS Guy showed up with a box of books for me.
This is where you smile and nod in agreement with the awesome.
Actually, he brought two books...the first was the new Sookie Stackhouse mystery (Ultra <3 for the books, major HATE for the show) and...the...the Alien Force Complete Guide.
Yeah, I know it is for six year olds, but hey, it is pretty comprehensive for something that could be UBER LAME. Plus, it has entries for Mike, Darkstar, AND Albedo...nice to get a little bad guy representation...AM I RIGHT, Bandai?
Anyway...a lot of people are probably wondering what's in it...well...a lot...and surprisingly few examples of ENGRISH. I'm happy and sad at the same time. Sad that that significantly lowers the amount of LOL! worthy content the book has, but happy that children reading it won't proclaim that Helen is Pierce's brother or what Kevin "gave up the wrong week to fight with monsters." It is up to date as far as Season 2 goes...and hints at other things...mostly things we already knew...like Vilgax returns (at least in a video game) and that Darkstar will show up again.
First of all...wow...check out Page 50....THAT IS SO NOT! TYLER!
Either that...or that twenty-six year old ages way faster than anyone else ALIVE. LOL.
Page 48 answers an fandom age old qustion:
It is spelled "Magister Prior Gilhil."
Surprisningly enough, Vilgax is in it (Page 74) and gives something spoilery away...something about Ben fighting him with a broken Omnitrix...and winning...again. LOL! The artwork for Villie is clip art from the first show.
There is a nice glossary section, "Best of" section, and if you were a bad guy for more than three minutes on the show...you get a spotlight page...if you are lucky (like Darkles) you get two. If you were a good guy who appeared in one or more episodes...you get a spotlight (Lu has a page...remember Lu? He was in "Birds of a Feather" and Tiny gets one too...I love her alien baby cuteness ^_^)
Darkles also has a reason to hate on the heroes again...his info page says he "came through...(by saving the world)- but he disappeared before he could be sent back to the Null Void."
Darkstar: Asshats.
Is it worth six bucks?
I would like to think so...but that's me....and I'm probably not a great judge for stuff like. I mean, I did spend the same amount of money on turning a Ken doll into a Mike Morningstar doll. I love having something like this book in my Ben 10 collection. I mean, the original show didn't get a complete guide, but Alien Force did.
The mind kind of boggles on that one, but ah well...it is fun in its own way.
It entertained me for at least and hour...*snicker*...It even has alien personality quizzes.
Apparently, I most resemble Goop (a sentient puddle of green goo) and Big Chill (an ice powered moth man) XD.
Film Review: Up Soars
Up.
Just Wow.
This movie is breathtaking.
It truly is.
It is, in my humble opinion, the most human Pixar movie yet.
Yeah, we've had "human" stories before...like The Incredibles, Ratatouille, and the Gels of Wall-E, but never anything like this. Honestly, I could never identify with the characters in The Incredibles (except for Edna...she's the best thing in that movie)...and Luigi was a prop for Remy...and the Gels were...well, just really lazy people who had forgotten what it was to be human.
Up reveals that Pixar knows how to tell a human story.
Put simply, Up is a story about ordinary people who do extraordinary things...and I'm not talking about building translator collars for dogs or flying a house with balloons...though those things are extraordinary in their own right. Up is about real people. They have real lives, jobs, and development that is completely believable. Carl Fredrickson is a retired balloon salesman who has been living in the same house for many years and refuses to sell it to the suits who are tearing down his neighborhood and building, well, new buildings. They offer him an enormous (unnamed) sum, but he always refuses. The reason why he doesn't want to sell his house is heartbreaking and touching. Russel, the adorable Wilderness Explorer, has his own reasons for wanting to earn his "Assisting the Elderly" badge.
There is also a really great message about society and the elderly present here that is really important and I'm glad Pixar addressed it. Carl isn't taken seriously by many people who should respect him. Even those who are supposed to take care of him (nursing home attendants who come to pick him up via a court order) are disrespectful and condescending. Russel keeps trying, with the best intentions, to assist him in absolutely everything. There are lessons about death, dying, living, and life all sprinkled throughout the movie and it really deserves to be scene. For instance, we get to see positive forms of passion, Carl and his wife Ellie love adventure...they want to visit Paradise Falls in South America, but their savings end up going to other things they need. Instead, they spend their lives working at the South American exhibit at their local zoo. Russel wants to become a senior Wilderness Explorer and aims to earn all the badges(he's only missing one!). There is also a negative portrayal of obsession epitomized by Muntz, a once famous explorer, is obsessed with finding a rare species of bird. He's driven to madness through this single minded goal-unable to take pleasure from the events that take place around him.
There are a lot of great things about this movie that make it another amazing entry into the Pixar canon.
I currently find myself loving Dug The Dog. He talks like I'd imagine a real dog would if they could, simple, and good natured. He's the nerd dog of the alpha pack. While the other dogs are loud and harsh like their master, Dug is sweet and easily swayed over to the good guys' side. He has a number of adorable quotes which include "I was hiding under your porch because I love you" and "I have just met you and I love you"-all the while wagging his fluffy tail and being adorable.
Let's not leave out Kevin, the giant rainbow bird who likes chocolate and sitting on Carl's roof. They're all in for a surprise when they realize that Kevin's...well, a girl. XD
All that said, it is a tearjerker.
It is possibly the most sad animated film in existence. Strangely enough, it isn't depressing at all, just sad because it feels so real. I myself cried at least three different times during this movie, yet I immediately wanted to see it again.
Don't let the fact that you'll probably cry your eyes out multiple times in this movie stop you from seeing it. Up is another Pixar movie that celebrates the everyday as the amazing,, which makes is a must see...just bring tissues.
Just Wow.
This movie is breathtaking.
It truly is.
It is, in my humble opinion, the most human Pixar movie yet.
Yeah, we've had "human" stories before...like The Incredibles, Ratatouille, and the Gels of Wall-E, but never anything like this. Honestly, I could never identify with the characters in The Incredibles (except for Edna...she's the best thing in that movie)...and Luigi was a prop for Remy...and the Gels were...well, just really lazy people who had forgotten what it was to be human.
Up reveals that Pixar knows how to tell a human story.
Put simply, Up is a story about ordinary people who do extraordinary things...and I'm not talking about building translator collars for dogs or flying a house with balloons...though those things are extraordinary in their own right. Up is about real people. They have real lives, jobs, and development that is completely believable. Carl Fredrickson is a retired balloon salesman who has been living in the same house for many years and refuses to sell it to the suits who are tearing down his neighborhood and building, well, new buildings. They offer him an enormous (unnamed) sum, but he always refuses. The reason why he doesn't want to sell his house is heartbreaking and touching. Russel, the adorable Wilderness Explorer, has his own reasons for wanting to earn his "Assisting the Elderly" badge.
There is also a really great message about society and the elderly present here that is really important and I'm glad Pixar addressed it. Carl isn't taken seriously by many people who should respect him. Even those who are supposed to take care of him (nursing home attendants who come to pick him up via a court order) are disrespectful and condescending. Russel keeps trying, with the best intentions, to assist him in absolutely everything. There are lessons about death, dying, living, and life all sprinkled throughout the movie and it really deserves to be scene. For instance, we get to see positive forms of passion, Carl and his wife Ellie love adventure...they want to visit Paradise Falls in South America, but their savings end up going to other things they need. Instead, they spend their lives working at the South American exhibit at their local zoo. Russel wants to become a senior Wilderness Explorer and aims to earn all the badges(he's only missing one!). There is also a negative portrayal of obsession epitomized by Muntz, a once famous explorer, is obsessed with finding a rare species of bird. He's driven to madness through this single minded goal-unable to take pleasure from the events that take place around him.
There are a lot of great things about this movie that make it another amazing entry into the Pixar canon.
I currently find myself loving Dug The Dog. He talks like I'd imagine a real dog would if they could, simple, and good natured. He's the nerd dog of the alpha pack. While the other dogs are loud and harsh like their master, Dug is sweet and easily swayed over to the good guys' side. He has a number of adorable quotes which include "I was hiding under your porch because I love you" and "I have just met you and I love you"-all the while wagging his fluffy tail and being adorable.
Let's not leave out Kevin, the giant rainbow bird who likes chocolate and sitting on Carl's roof. They're all in for a surprise when they realize that Kevin's...well, a girl. XD
All that said, it is a tearjerker.
It is possibly the most sad animated film in existence. Strangely enough, it isn't depressing at all, just sad because it feels so real. I myself cried at least three different times during this movie, yet I immediately wanted to see it again.
Don't let the fact that you'll probably cry your eyes out multiple times in this movie stop you from seeing it. Up is another Pixar movie that celebrates the everyday as the amazing,, which makes is a must see...just bring tissues.
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